Thursday, 15 June 2017

Positive Post :)

So my last blog post was a bit whingy -  okay a LOT whingy - Can I blame it on hormones? It was that time of the month and I was grumpy but I am over it now :)

Today I am feeling so much better about life in general. The last week I have been back at the gym I have done 3 sessions and I'm not lying I have forgotten what it feels like to move without pain! But it's  good pain in that it's an I'm aching because I have worked my damn ass off sort of pain! My ankle is a lot better - I still dont have full rotation, flexion or movement and stairs especially are still a struggle both going up and down reciprocally but it's getting there. I've  invested in a really good ankle support for the bad ankle and also a sports support for my good ankle.

I'm also feeling super positive about roller derby training too :) I still suck but there is improvement! I've finally done a few of the minimum skills, I'm not brilliant at stopping but I am better and I have finally started doing some contact too! I am chatting more to the others at the skate sessions and dont feel quite  so excluded. Today I totally worked through the whole personal space thing, I got way closer to sweaty people than I would ever have done before - there was sweaty skin on skin contact and I didnt freak out! Okay I did freak out but internally and coped with it all - even when the coach asked me if I wanted to sit out one of the activities I said no I'll try.

I've also put in for funding in work to complete my degree - my manager has been amazing and basically said she supports my application and she will support me to do this - she's  done OU herself and has even done 2 of the modules I want to do and has said she's willing to help me in anyway she can. I completed the funding form by myself and then passed it to my manager and the training manager to review - took on board their advice and made a couple of minor changes and its ready to go eep - if the funding gets agreed I'll know next month and then I'll be starting the degree in October. If it doesnt get agreed then I am going to ask for funding to do a welsh language course :)

I'm also putting in an application for  band 5 job, now I don't believe I will get this job but it shows that I am keen to progress - and hopefully I will get feedback to let me know how to improve for when another one comes up :)

Anyways thats what has been going on in my world :) Peace

Tuesday, 6 June 2017

Whinging post :/

Right now I am really struggling to fit in, be normal and sociable! This post is just a brain dump of me whinging - sorry!

I started roller derby and have been talking to new people- I wouldnt say making friends but making an effort to be less anti-social and weird. It's hard work and I am finding it really difficult to do but I am doing it - go me!

I also put myself forward to help out at 2 home games for the team - I did one on Sunday and it was awful like I wanted to go hide out in the bathroom until it was over. I didn't know what I was doing, I fucked up and I was in front of everyone- I had thought I might do something that would have me off to one side with other people not in the middle of the track by myself where any fuck ups could be seen by everyone :(

After that, I figured they wouldn't want me to help out at the next game or that maybe they would give me something else to do but nope next game same thing again - I think it must be a really unpopular job so they gave it to me as no-one else wants to do it. It's not for a couple of weeks but I feel  sick at doing it again but don't want to back out when I have said I would do it already.

My ankle is still sore it is taking ages to heal - okay its been just over a week but it feels like ages - like I was getting into a routine that I could manage - 3 x gym classes plus 2 x skating classes plus walking and cycling - I was actually enjoying it and could see some improvement in my fitness levels(although sadly not in my flabby body yet!) and starting to get  some more confidence and now phhht I feel like I am still useless again - like there is no point in trying.

I feel awkward at the gym but at least you work as an individual - in the skating sessions there is often work with another person and I don't feel comfortable to ask someone to work with me - they are all a lot better so working with me means they aren't going to get much from the session. Also it's a lot of personal space invasion which I am not good at I get freaked out about it. I'm trying but its hard everything is fucking hard.

I hate that I am so rubbish at everything, that simple interactions with people are so difficult. I can see why I am like I am, I just don't know how to get past it.

Sunday, 28 May 2017

General clumsiness and roller derby

Thursday is going to be my 2  month anniversary since I started learning to skate.

I've worked out that due  to various injuries etc I have actually attended 9 sessions:

Session 1 -  got myself kitted up made it to the track and started skating - no problems which I think was the problem it gave them the wrong impression it made them think that I had some skills! Got cocky and face/boob planted! Cracked  my ribs which was confirmed by my GP a few days later!

Session 2 - footwork involved walking up and down and side to side on skates - no issues

Session 3 - fell over within minutes of arriving - damaged quad muscle in leg had to leave as couldn't walk after - sat in the car for abut 20 mins before attempting to drive home - badly.

Session 4 - after a 2 week break - managed to not fall and injure myself - go me but terrified of falling and therefore skating super slow

Session 5-6 - few gentle falls but nothing major

Session 7 - went a bit faster and then fell and landed on my ass - bruised my coccyx which for your information really fucking hurts - spent the rest of the week tying to find a comfy position to sit my ass in!

Session 8 - ass still sore - freaked out when being made to skate up close and personal through a pace line and being told to lean on someone - it was hot and sweaty and gross - opted out and sulked

Session 9 - feeling brave did all activities then fell over in slow motion - to save my ass I twisted and landed on my ankle - which I currently have strapped up, raised on a pillow with a side of ice in the desperate hope the swelling goes down and I can walk on it tomorrow! - continued skating as I thought it was a twist and everyone knows a twisted ankle only gets worse if you rest it right?

I've come to the conclusion that I am reliably uncoordinated and lacking in skills which sucks ass.

I really want to progress but this fear that I am going to seriously injure myself or someone else has really got a grip on me. As I have managed pretty much an injury every other session the outlook isnt good!

Saturday, 13 May 2017

#Project52 Weeks 15 - 20

Wow a month worth's of photos aren't you all lucky!

Week 15:

Roller Derby! Yes I can skate (but only forwards, in one direction, at a slow speed, with my arms held out and wobbling like a weeble)

Week 16:

Dena Cat! I rarely get nice pics of Dena - she is very much an outdoor, not fond of humans type of cat - her mother was feral and I think she still has some of that wildness in her. Here is a rare picture I got where she doesn't look like she wishes to remove my gall bladder with her claws!

Week 17:

I am so lucky to have some amazing friends. My fabulous comping friend sent me a care bundle just because :) and she even included these amazing Disney PJ bottoms for me - which I am totally wearing out in public as leggings because they are too nice just for bed!

Week 18:

New skates - I got new skates for roller derby because mine as more for outside and fun skating rather than derby - I got these lovely new black ones - still not brilliant but better and I appear to be going a lot faster on them!

Week 19:

Voting is  important - seriously people thought for our right to vote so how can people apathetically ignore whats going on in the world and not? 1 vote can make a difference! Here is Dena Cat walking with me to the polling station - she also wanted to vote but the silly kitty didnt register!

Week 20:

Cardiff is going to be hosting the UEFA cup at the end of the month - I'm not a fan of football but I am loving the dragon who has taken up residence on Cardiff Castle :)

#PostPost Weeks 15 - 20

Yowsers - okay I admit to failing to update the postpost posts for a fair few weeks my poor excuse is that I have been hitting the gym plus doing roller skating and they have pretty much taken up all my time and energy. I don't have photos of everything either so some items are just going to be listed. I will do better in the future (well I'll try to but life gets in the way sometimes!)

Freebie: Co-opgave these away on FB and Twitter -  you had t nominate a good egg

Product Trial: Vagisil wipes with the Insiders EU

Win: Chewy Moon Sub Boxes (I won 4 weeks worth of these)

Win: Book

Win: Family ticket for the Botanical Gardens of Wales

Win: Chewy Moon sub box

Freebies: Print at home coupons for free milk and free John West Tuna

Win: From Mojo mums 3 x limited edition Baylis and Harding hand soaps

Freebie: Skin care

Win: Letter box lab - subscription box

Win: Book

Win: Milk it tee and water bottle/shaker

Win: ChewyMoon sub box

Freebie: dream bone sample plus vouchers

Freebie: skin balm and shower gel

Freebie: skin care

Win: Game of Thrones ceramic Mug

Review: Tactical Rucksack

Product trial: Free coupons for dole frozen berries plus shopping bag, trolley coin and recipes to take part in the smoothie morning trial

Freebie: skin care samples

Review: No tie shoe laces

Freebies: gluten free cornflakes and voucher

Win: Book

Review: UV/Cooling sleeves for sports (I want them for under my pads when skating)

Review: Unicorn slippers

Review: screen protector for S7

Review: 5 pairs f cool dog socks (only 4 shown as I gave one pair away in work)

Product trial: Purina Beyond dog food plus a shopping bag

Review: resistance bands for training

Review: phone holder for the gym

Win: DVD Muscle Body Builder in Hell

Win 3 x latest Dr Who novels

Review: fashion jewellery - minnie mouse necklace

No pics because I forgot!

Review: Doggy car seatbelts

Review: Edison lightbulbs

Tuesday, 9 May 2017

Vagisil Intimate Wipes - Got an itchy fan? have recently run a new campaign trying out various vagisil products. I got in on the project and put my name forward for the Vagisil Itch Relief Intimate Wipes - personally I think they should have gone with itchy fan wipes shorter and more to the point but as I'm not on the marketing team for them they have gone for their choice :P

If your interested in signing up for the Insiders have a look at the information here - I'd definitely recommend it they run a variety of different campaigns with some great companies and products. They provide everything you need to take part as well as plenty of product samples to share.

Back to this campaign:

I got my Insiders kit a few weeks ago. It contained:

- Full size pack of wipes for me (woohoo)
- 10 cute little pillow packs of goodies to share with family, friends, neighbours etc

These contain 4 individually wrapped wipes and the cushion pack folds out to give an information sheet

- an Insider/Vagisil information pack giving you all the background info about the product
- some ask your friend sheets to get feedback
- some Insiders business cards to hand out to anyone interested in joining :)

So the purpose of these wipes are to help you freshen up, clean and relieve itchiness around the vaginal area.

Apparently women still find it difficult to talk about their vag and intimate health probs - Growing up as the youngest of 3 girls with a mam and dad who were both nurses talking about issues down below has never been something I've been shy about. I understand your fanny might be a scary thing (ever looked at it in a mirror? haha) but lets get real why should we suffer and feel uncomfortable just because we are to afraid to speak out about it? I mean I'm not saying tattoo your forehead with I sometimes get a pH imbalance which causes me to itch or antibiotics give me thrush (my nan used to refer to it as her little birdy visiting) but surely it's not a big deal to say to your female friends damn I'm feeling a bit itchy today anyone got any good suggestions? Like 1/5 women are concerned about their intimate health but over 50% are too afraid to speak about it so basically if your on a bus there are probably 5-10 women riding that bus who has concerns or problems too but arent speaking about it!


So part of this project is to get women talking about intimate health and of course trying out the vagisil wipes.

I'm actually a big fan of the wipes - I like that they are individually wrapped so you can slip them into your handbag - small and discreet and handy! They are just a little bit bigger than a credit card so they could even be slipped into your purse out of the way. They are easy to use and wrap back  in the packaging and bin.

**I really shouldn't have to say this but they are single use only - don't use them and and save them for later or share the same wipe with someone else**

 After getting my pack I was really excited to sign people up to the campaign and to give out my samples.

I signed up work colleagues, neighbours and family straight away - it was interesting that the "older" people as in aged 40+ were much more open to taking part than younger ones I guess when you have had 20+years of smears, had kids etc it's not so much of a big deal to talk about your fan!

I actually gave out all of my sample packs within a few days of receiving them.

Feedback so far has pretty much been all positive - everyone is loving them (their only complaint is they wanted more free samples in the packs the greedy buggers).

I am using mine after gym sessions - I find wearing leggings to the gym comfy but you definitely get a bit sweaty with everything being quit tight and all the movement. The wipes not only relieve itching but also leave you feeling fresher too.  I can imagine they would be great on long journeys as well where you are stuck on a plain, coach or train for hours and your clothes and pants are getting a little uncomfortable!

Saturday, 6 May 2017

Pussycat pussy cat where have you been?

Pussycat pussy cat where have you been?

Well I havent been to London to see the queen!

I've been off the blog for nearly a month because life has been a bit busy.

So here's a brief(ish) recap of what I have been up to:

Roller Derby

I had to miss a couple of weeks due to the fact I cracked my ribs at the first ever session and then fell over again and ripped a muscle in my leg at the next. I have had some pretty spectacular bruises - apart from the stunningly vomit coloured boob I also ended up with  flowering of bruises across my ribs which have just faded, and some truly awe inspiring colourful bruises over my thigh - one running along the inside of my thigh and extending out and across my knee and then when that started to heal another mottled black and yellow bruise running the outside length of my thigh.

I have also struggled with fitting in -  it's unfortunate that I am literally the only newbie everyone else has been going for pretty much a year or more so they all know each other and already have the foundations in skating needed to progress on to the harder things they are doing. I spend a lot of time at the sessions practicing basic skating moves by myself as I am not at a level where I can take part in the higher level stuff they are doing. I have thought about quitting - I have mentioned it before but it really does suck knowing your completely shit at something compared to every other person in the room.

It's also difficult because they have known each other for so long a few sessions I have pretty much spent the entire session by myself which makes me feel lousy and then they have been talking about stuff they have all done together outside of skating and I feel pretty much excluded. I even saw  few of them at a game and they didnt say hi or anything so I've really not been feeling the inclusive team spirit shit that everyone keeps talking about with derby!

I keep going back in the hope there will be other newbies soon or that I will start to make some sort of progress with it all as I actually do enjoy the skating and watching the roller derby matches too. I looked at other teams in the are to see if they were doing any beginners sessions soon that I could go to instead as they seem to be much more structured than the one I attend (structured as in they have set it up specifically for beginners whereas in the one I attend its for anyone so a lot of the skaters go to the learn to skate sessions as well as training with the main team) but none of them are running at the moment as they all did new intakes in January. I do wonder what will happen when all the people in the learn to skate sessions are good enough to train with the main team - will it just be me and whoever takes the session there? that would be really odd - they are apparently looking at ways of recruiting more people to attend their beginner sessions but I dont think they are approachable enough to encourage people to come along - everyone else seems to know someone else in the main team or who used to skate etc so its like recruitment from social network rather than people like me who just decide to turn up and give it a go without knowing anyone type of thing.


Had my final bit of dental work done for 6 months woohoo - root canal! And it was fine I literally psyched myself up before it to the point where I was hyperventilating, shaking and acting like a pussy  and okay sure it was a little bit uncomfortable sitting with my mouth wedged open for an hour and having the dentist poking random shit in my jaw but it wasnt anywhere near as bad as in my head - I have to go back in 6 months for a review and for them to see if the root canal has worked but apart from that my teeth are hopefully good for a while and even better no payments to make yay


Work is good but busy - there has been some changes which are taking time for me to get used to them - I've got 2 new people to work for who were off when I first started but have now come back. I have also covered a few other roles and things due to other staff being off or leaving - it has meant learning new stuff but its also been good and kept me busy - hate being bored in work! There has been mention of me getting my degree through the OU with some funding from work towards the cost so I have been looking into this as if I do an open degree with the U I should get the maximum credit transfer from my previous Uni study - this means it will be cheaper as will have to do less modules and be quicker to do as well. I need to send off my transcript and stuff to the OU to see how many credits they will transfer and I also have to apply for study funding from work which all takes time but is also very exciting - dropping out of Uni was never a mistake for me - the course wasnt right and I was unhappy there - staying for another year and getting into more debt and more depressed would have been stupid so I am glad I dropped out but I do regret not getting my degree so I really hope this all works out for me - better late than never right?

Comping / Freebies / Reviews

I've not been doing as many of these just because I really havent had a huge amount of time. I need to write up a few reviews for items I have been sent which I hope to do in the next couple of days and catch up on everything. I've had a few freebies and a few comping wins that I need to post too but nothing major - small bits to put by for xmas and birthdays but it all helps! I really could use a nice big win haha

Online Dating

At the start of the year I set up a profile - I havent really been on it as I just dont seem to have the time - I keep meaning to but it's such an effort and part of me thinks I should just deactivate the profile until I am actually interested in dating an have the energy for it lol


Auto-immune shit is still happening and with roller derby/skating my joints are super sore and not really working great but apart from that there is nothing new which is good

Other stuff 

In other news I've joined a gym and started various classes there - this links in with the health and the roller derby - I think more exercise is good as it builds muscles which will hopefully make me a better skater but also help with the joint problems as I should either lose weight or build up muscle strength so less strain on the joints. I'm also attending a stretch / basic yoga class which is hilarious - high tone and rigid joints plus general fattiness does not make for any good yoga positions but it's supposed to be good for joint health and to help loosen muscles and stiffness.

Sadly my aunty died a couple of weeks ago - she had been battling stage 4 lung cancer for the last 18 months and so whilst its super sad for everyone else at least she is no longer suffering. My cousins organised a beautiful funeral for her which we attended it was really sad and I really felt for them - they have lost their dad and their mum in less than 18 months - both to cancer - their dad had cancer of the esophagus which unfortunately spread he went from all clear to passing in like 6 weeks around 14 months ago.

My UV ink has healed beautifully and I still love my tattoos:) I am getting my next one done on the 6th June and I cant wait for it.

So that's  it - all caught up phew

Sunday, 9 April 2017

Roller Derby

So for ages I have been interested in roller derby and wanting to go and see it and maybe even play it but I have never actually acted on that. I have so many feeble excuses why:

1. I'm too old
2. I'm unfit
3. I'm fat
4. I have no coordination skills
5. I'm shy

Well that's just a few of the main ones but I can keep going. 

Serendipitously (is that an actual word?) I met someone online who does roller derby or rather is training to do roller derby I'm not 100% sure on the terminology all I know is she refers to herself as fresh meat which means shes still a beginner and learning.

Anyways she invited me to go watch a scrim which is a match which was pretty awesome and she persuaded me I should totally go for the learn to skate lessons which are run by the Cardiff team. I've known about the lessons for like 6 months but have never actually gone - the whole rocking up somewhere on my own where there will be a bunch of people who all know each other and who all have skills way above me just doesn't appeal. 

However with encouragement I joined their learn to skate FB group and lurked.

I also got my gear (new skates shop worn from ebay for £25 and a helmet and pads from sportsdirect for £12 and £11) and was all prepped to go, but I kinda had in my mind I would build up my confidence and go in a few months.

It didn't really work out like that which is great as I attended my first learn to skate session on Thursday (my friend came with me to give me that little push to actually go).

The session was pretty scare for me I'm not gonna lie - I was right everyone there was thinner, fitter and better than me, but skating was fun and I did enjoy it although I was terrified of falling

In fact it wasn't as bad as I thought the first 3 falls weren't all that bad (ass, ass and knees) however the 4th fall was a killer! I literally boob planted on the right side. It was a whole new world of pain for me - I couldn't breathe, I saw stars, angels and flashing lights and then not wanting to look like a total wuss I got up and carried on but oh boy did I hurt - it was so hard to keep going and trying not to puke and / or cry! I even managed to finish the session doing 5 minutes of laps (to pass minimum skills you have to be able to skate 27 laps in 5 minutes - I managed 15 the least of anyone there of course!).

Following the session I could barely move my arm to drive home - yes I am a wuss and a drama queen but it genuinely was stiff and unmovable. I got home and managed to fall into a hot bath which helped a bit until I had to get out - then none of my limbs wanted to work. Sleep was not easy that night I had to sleep propped up and I kept waking up shaking.

After this I decided I wouldnt go back - clearly I am not made for roller derby but then someone said to me "People like you dont really do things like that do they?" I'm not sure what they meant by that - fat people, short people, weird people, socially awkward people, unfit people, old people - any of the above?

Anyways that statement made me say fuck you I will go back. So I dragged my ass back there today. I was terrified of falling, my arm still hurt along with my shoulder, my legs, my butt and my boob (which is also a lovey shade of vomit yellow). Today we worked on foot work which was easier  than skating in that less chance of me falling over yay. Once again I sucked at every aspect which is hard being the worst in any group sucks but I'm not going to get better, get fitter, get thinner, get stronger or in any way improve unless I go back and practice.

I am still finding it hard being with a group of people I dont know - although they seem nice I find it difficult to chat to them. I am not sure the person leading the sessions is particularly keen on having to babysit the total novice either and it cant be fun for the others in the group who are having to wait for me to do the most basic of things when they are so far ahead.

I'm going to go again on Thursday and hope I improve

Project 52 Weeks 13 & 14

So last Saturday I went to see a roller derby scrim. I've been interested in roller derby for a while but had never been to see it before. It was pretty awesome and just made me want to give it ago even more - did I mention that I have also wanted to try roller derby myself?

Anyways here are some photo's from the scrim (they didnt really turn out very well as I was distracted by trying to make sense of the game!) As there is so many of them they get to be week 13 and 14 (also because I havent taken any other pics really this week!)