1. I'm too old
2. I'm unfit
3. I'm fat
4. I have no coordination skills
5. I'm shy
Well that's just a few of the main ones but I can keep going.
Serendipitously (is that an actual word?) I met someone online who does roller derby or rather is training to do roller derby I'm not 100% sure on the terminology all I know is she refers to herself as fresh meat which means shes still a beginner and learning.
Anyways she invited me to go watch a scrim with her which was pretty awesome and she persuaded me I should totally go for the learn to skate lessons which are run by the Cardiff team. I've known about the lessons for like 6 months but have never actually gone - the whole rocking up somewhere on my own where there will be a bunch of people who all know each other and who all have skills way above me just doesn't appeal.
However with encouragement I joined their learn to skate FB group and lurked.
I also got my gear and drove down to the place where they do it and then sat in my car like a pussy and didnt get out.
I think maybe this person realised I was probably gonna take like another 6 months to prepare myself so she basically told me she was going to meet me there and that was it.
So I went along and kinda felt like a dick having someone go with me but it was okay.
The session was pretty scare for me I'm not gonna lie - I was right everyone there was thinner, fitter and better than me, but skating was fun and I did enjoy it although I was terrified of falling
In fact it wasn't as bad as I thought the first 3 falls weren't all that bad (ass, ass and knees) however the 4th fall was a killer! I literally boob planted on the right side. It was a whole new world of pain for me - I couldn't breathe, I saw stars, angels and flashing lights and then not wanting to look like a total wuss I got up and carried on but oh boy did I hurt - it was so hard to keep going and trying not to puke and / or cry! I even managed to finish the session doing 5 minutes of laps (to pass minimum skills you have to be able to skate 27 laps in 5 minutes - I managed 15 the least of anyone there of course!).
Following the session I could barely move my arm to drive home - yes I am a wuss and a drama queen but it genuinely was stiff and unmovable. I got home and managed to fall into a hot bath which helped a bit until I had to get out - then none of my limbs wanted to work. Sleep was not easy that night I had to sleep propped up and I kept waking up shaking.
After this I decided I wouldnt go back - clearly I am not made for roller derby but then someone said to me "People like you dont really do things like that do they?" I'm not sure what they meant by that - fat people, short people, weird people, socially awkward people, unfit people, old people - any of the above?
Anyways that statement made me say fuck you I will go back. So I dragged my ass back there today. I was terrified of falling, my arm still hurt along with my shoulder, my legs, my butt and my boob (which is also a lovey shade of vomit yellow). Today we worked on foot work which was easier than skating in that less chance of me falling over yay. Once again I sucked at every aspect which is hard being the worst in any group sucks but I'm not going to get better, get fitter, get thinner, get stronger or in any way improve unless I go back and practice.
I am still finding it hard being with a group of people I dont know - although they seem nice I find it difficult to chat to them. I hate the idea of other people having to hold themselves back because they have to put up with my rubbish-ness an I really hope there will be some other newbies there soon so I can at least have other newbies who kinda suck along with me.
I'm going to go again on Thursday and hope I improve