Wednesday, 23 November 2016

Being Me

Someone asked me today about being me - because I am in their words "odd"

The thing is I could be like everyone else, I could pretend that I'm someone I'm not and do it well - I did for a long time - I fitted in, I was quiet, I watched what I said and pretended and it sucked.

I'm generally happy now although grumpy but the grumpiness isn't misery its just general grumps and certainly I'm not sad I am exasperated, bugged, irked and annoyed but not sad, crying, upset or miserable.

But fitting in did make me miserable, pretending to be someone I wasn't made me wonder what was so bad about being me and question myself and at one point I hated myself and it wasn't fun or a good place to be so I had to make the choice - did I want to be someone who was unhappy but fitted in with everyone's ideas of who I should be, have lots of 'friends' who liked the fake me and do things I didnt like or I could just be me, have a couple of mates who didn't care that I might spend 2 hours talking in detail about a Disney movie (and not pick up on their signals that they really would like to talk about something else, anything else than disney!) or spend hours planning my escape from a cannibal and do things I like to do like colouring or wander in a field singing eminem badly.

I made the choice to be me, no pretending, no lying and that's that.

Yes I am odd, yes I am missing some social filters, yes I dress however I like and yes this is me and if people dont like it then that's fine because I like me now and I choose to be myself

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