Saturday, 22 October 2016

Cats Vs Friends!

Recently I have been let down by various friends who make arrangements and then cancel last minute  or who think it's okay to change plans, bring other people along or just be late - it's driving me nuts!

As most people who know me in person know I have some real anxieties around time keeping - I hate being late for anything or having other people being late for things. I like organisation and routine and plans which, well, go to plan.  When things deviate from this comfortable norm for me I feel edgy, grumpy and less inclined to be social!

So I have decided that from now on I am going to be a grumpy old crazy cat lady and stay home with my cats instead and here's why:

1. My cats dont give a shit if I walk around stark bollock naked - they don't care if I havent brushed my hair, wear matching socks or look 'presentable'

2. My cat's do not judge my meal choices, snack decisions or alcoholic binges. They dont care if I am fat or thin or ordering a pizza at 2am just cos I fancy a snack - their only concern is whether I will pay extra for the cheesy crust that they like!

3. My cat's do not make plans with me and cancel or change them - they stick to the routine of get up, get fed, nap nap nap, play nap some more get fed and bed - it's  a routine I can understand and relate to!

4. My cat's do not bore me with photographs of their holidays or their family get togethers! If I follow you on social media I get to see these already I shouldn't be forced to look through them a second time - ooh a pretty tree, some flowers, a blurry shot of a butterfly, some random strangers dancing in a conga line and so on

5. My cats are always up for a movie or box set night and dont care if we stay up til 4am watching netflix together!

6. My cats never obsess about my relationships or current lack or relationships, they dont need to know every detail of every sexual encounter or what colour wallpaper someones bedroom has!

7. My cats do not feel the need to pay false compliments and then get all upset when called on that bullshit - seriously dont lie and tell me shit because your afraid of hurting my feelings especially when I have already told you on previous occasions I hate to be lied to even if it's a nice lie just tell the truth damn you!

8. My cats dont care that I swear like a trooper and sometimes run out of suitable swear words so make my own up - that's  right you swaddleboggingpubichair eating turdakon!

9. My cats dont care that when I get anxious or stressed I bite my nails until they bleed and mix up people's names - they dot mind what I call them so long as I'm talking to them. Friends get upset if after 4 attempts your still unable to remember who they are!

10. My cats have never hosted an intervention because they think  I am self-destructing, acting crazy, have a serious shoe addiction habit or to tell me it's time to be a grown up and get a mortgage and settle down. They accept me with all my idiosyncrasies (should that be idiot-syncrasies) and dont try to change who I am to make me fit into their idea of who I should be!

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